The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ' but succinct ' wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this weeks great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.Sign up for our Funniest Tweets Of The Week newsletter here.How to celebrate Equal Pay Day:1. Tickle a man's nose with a feather.2. While he's distracted, steal 23% of his salary. Kashana (@kashanacauley) April 4, 2017 My therapist wants me to have a hobby. Like screaming into the void isn't a hobby' Nina Bargiel (@slackmistress) April 5, 2017 I like how celery has dental floss built right in. Marta Effing Ketchup (@MartaEffing) April 1, 2017 Next time @pepsi do one where Kendall Jenner marches to Montgomery but the cops don't bludgeon her bc she's white & has a refreshing @pepsi Jia Tolentino (@jiatolentino) April 4, 2017 OTHER JOB OPENINGS FOR STEVE BANNON: 1) a before model for face cream2) seven or more of the symptoms of a hernia3) the concept of regret Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) April 6, 2017 Being a parent is the greatest thing ever besides sleeping in, day drinking, and free time. Swishergirl (@Swishergirl24) April 2, 2017 this black woman is all of us pic.twitter.com/4dB98jZGqa Ziwe (@ziwe) April 5, 2017 I bet whenever Samuel L. Jackson types an "M" his phone automatically says "motherfucker" Dumb Beezie (@dumbbeezie) April 6, 2017 I tell people I went to Georgetown because no one can prove that I didn't. Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) April 6, 2017 If the key to weight loss was "eat right OR exercise" then I might be on board, but to do both--sorry that's just asking too much Gloria Fallon (@GloriaFallon123) April 2, 2017 If you don't at least have a onesome tonight then you are squandering your pre-apocalypse time. Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) April 7, 2017 My addiction to slow moving reptiles tortoise family apart. Lindsay (@Rollinintheseat) April 6, 2017 Wore the same pair of sweatpants to work three days in a row because there's no reason a cry for help can't be comfortable Brittani Nichols (@BisHilarious) April 7, 2017 I guess causing the apocalypse is one way not to have historians view your presidency poorly Jaime Lutz (@jaime_lutz) April 7, 2017 Insurance company: We need you to fax us the paperwork. Me: Sure. Let me jump in my DeLorean and drive back to 1987. Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) April 6, 2017 There are only 2 traffic lights between my home & work yet I still manage to fit in a selfie and road rage everyday. she's unfiltered (@MommaUnfiltered) April 6, 2017 A friend just had another baby. I just had another piece of lasagna. Pretty big day for both us, I guess. Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) April 5, 2017 "Nobody puts Spicey in the corner," says Spicer, to himself, as he sits in the corner. pic.twitter.com/AQDOiSDRud Olivia Messer (@OliviaMesser) April 7, 2017 I've thrown away more avocados than I've ever eaten. heather lou* (@heatherlou_) April 6, 2017 Take something you were going to throw away. Now spend a bunch of money to make it something else.-crafts Mary (@AnniemuMary) April 6, 2017 -- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
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